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Five Common Early Dating Mistakes You Can Avoid

If you’re wondering why your recent date hasn’t called you back, consider the points below:

Dating is easier than ever now, due to the happy introduction of dating apps in India. You’re probably rolling in prospective dates and even go on quite a few but you find many of these connects seem to end before they start! Why doesn’t she/he want to keep in touch with you after a seemingly good date? What went wrong? No, contrary to the popular belief, it isn’t because there was something wrong with her or him, it could and possibly is another reason altogether, mostly, you.
Read on to understand common mistakes that push your prospective partner away- check if you’re guilty.

You think and behave like every match is a prospective hookup


This applies more to men. Unless they say it very explicitly, do not assume that every woman you match with is dying to have sex with you. You may think that dating apps are actually hookup apps but a lot of people simply don’t see things your way! There may be exceptions where your partner may be of the same mindset as you but go for every date assuming that that is not the case. Most people use dating apps for their intended purpose- dating, which hopefully leads to a romantic and or sexual relationship, and maybe eventually to a long term committed relationship.
Understand that your partner may be there to have an enjoyable evening or to find someone with mutual interests, or spend time with someone who looks fun to be with, rather than being alone…they just aren’t thinking of more than that right off the bat!

Many women will be offended if you propose sex or attempt to initiate physical intimacy on the first couple of dates. Learn how to read cues, from body language and verbal and written feedback. And if you’re still unsure- ASK politely! (But also understand that she may not be upfront with you) Most of the time though, she will appreciate your consideration for her feelings, and more importantly, you won’t come across as a creep.

You haven’t learned how to listen


To hear someone say something is one thing, but actually listening, is quite another. If you are genuinely interested in your partner, listen to what they are saying carefully. Listening involves empathy, curiosity, understanding of intonations and contextuality. It helps to remember what was important to them and ask questions about things they have talked about. While memorizing the entire conversation is unnecessary, the small seemingly insignificant details you remember show caring and thoughtfulness, and score you major points.

This is where you want to be;

Samir: Let’s order chicken, since you said last time that you’re allergic to shellfish.
Meena: You remember! How thoughtful!

rather than the below situation;

Samir: so how’s that cute dog you have in your DP?
Meena: I told you he died last year…

If you haven’t listened well, it means you were too self involved or not invested in your partner or your relationship. And if aren’t interested or invested, you aren’t going to go very far.

You haven’t learned how to converse


When people ask you questions, most of the time it’s because they want you to ask the same question back. If you simply answer your date’s questions and then take off talking about a related incident, narrating your own stories you come across as self-centered and the conversation won’t go very far. Say what you want to share but give your partner chance to share too.

This is where you want to be;

Meena: What do you think is your favourite childhood memory?
Samir: I think it was visiting my grandparents. They had a huge garden with fruit trees. We had a great time climbing them in summer and plucking mangoes! What’s your favourite childhood memory?

rather than the below situation;
Meena: What do you think is your favourite childhood memory?
Samir: I think it was visiting my grandparents. They had a huge garden with fruit trees. We had a great time climbing them in summer and plucking mangoes! Mangoes are still my favourite fruit.
Meena: oh that’s lovely!…
Samir: yeah, I can’t wait for summer! Once I cut my leg falling a mango tree! Had to get fifteen stitches! Do you want to see the scar? I have pictures of my grandparents house too, I’ll show you next time…(talks about grandparents for the next twenty minutes)

Yeah, this isn’t going well.

Great conversations involve an almost equal amount of back and forth input. A great conversation is never one sided!

Negativity is your primary emotion


Negative emotions like anger, jealousy, bitterness are hard to hide and you need to work on yourself before you’re ready to have a great date. Things may not go according to plan on your date and getting angry at the wait staff for not getting you water quickly enough or trash-talking your ex-dates and ex-partners because they moved onto other partners, show your date that you have little command over your negative emotions.

Nothing is more a turn off than a person victim playing or ranting. In fact if you have the ability to turn a bad situation into something positive, you’ll go a long way in your relationships!

Meena: I can’t believe they still haven’t got our food! They’ve served the people who came after us ! What terrible service! I’m going to complain to the manager! Let’s get out of here!
Samir: actually lets play a game while we wait. I have a great one in mind. Listen to this…

Guess who goes on great dates and who has no repeat dates.

You’re trying too hard


Repeated compliments, texting and calling at all hours and going out of your way to please so early in the relationship may come across as insincere, and even show you as desperate. Value yourself and your time, be genuine and stay true to yourself.
How do you know if you’re guilty of this? Simply gauge if he/ she is putting in equal time and effort into you and your relationship. If there is a vast difference you know you’re trying too hard. Ease off and see if they respond. If not, you know you’re a mismatch.

You haven’t done any of the above and your date has still disappeared? Try asking politely why they don’t want to be in touch. You’ll possibly get an honest and surprising answer.
Meena: Hi Samir, haven’t heard from you in a long time! Can you tell me what went wrong on our date ?
Samir: yeah sorry Meena, maybe you should visit your dentist. Goodbye!

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