Have you come across instances where you’ve matched with women you really liked but things never progressed to actually meeting her? And In many cases, there was no progress from matching to texting or calling either! At these times, you’re left wondering, “why did she swipe for me if she wasn’t interested in communicating?” In fact, you don’t just wonder, you get really pissed off because women behaving this way time and again, just seems inexplicable and downright rude to you!
Here’s some insight into this matter and it has to do with how men and women think and process information.
Unlike men who swipe right on women based mostly on visual appeal, women have a very different process in how they qualify men as worthy of texting, calling, and going on an actual date. And most women will filter men at every one of these stages before actually meeting someone.
Not understanding this, many men on their bio say “ don’t swipe if you won’t reply or meet”
They don’t understand that they just haven’t made it through the filtration process!
Stage one: Getting the swipe
This first stage is best explained with the example of an application of a job that you really want to land. This job is lucrative, gives you great work satisfaction and has fabulous perks. How much of an effort would you put into making a CV for this job? A great amount I’m sure!
You’d make you’re your grammar was correct, you’d do a spell check, and you’d make sure you presented yourself in the best way possible so that your CV stood out amongst multiple others so that you’d get a call saying you were amongst those selected for the next round!
Yet when it comes to your love life, many men will put very little or no effort into their pictures and bio (CV) on the dating sites! Profiles of men are full of cliché’s “ live life king size”, mundane, “likes to read, sapiosexual, lets meet for coffee” (yawn), presumptuous, and just pain offensive. Possibly the worst bios are where the guys are obviously hurting from past experiences and letting everyone see it in capital letters.
Ask yourself, when you don’t expect to land a great job with minimal effort then why do you expect to go out with great women with minimal effort?
If you aren’t getting enough right swipes, you now know why.
Now, if you have managed to write a witty interesting bio, you will go to stage two of the filtration process.
Stage two: Getting her number
If you got right swiped, congratulations on putting up the right pics and a good bio! But here the test gets harder. This is the stage where you send her a text. The prettier the girl, the more messages she’s getting.( Remember, most men are swiping purely on looks!) So you’re basically competing for her attention amongst multiple men! Texting something that makes you stand out amongst others is a challenge! You’ll have to base this on her bio and pics since you have only that information to work with. It could be a unusual compliment, a question regarding what she wrote in her bio, or just a funny observation. If you’ve kept away from the usual “ how are you? What are you doing “ stuff that everyone else is doing, chances are she’ll reply and remember your name and even eventually ask you for your number to connect on whatsapp. Or if you’re smart enough to ask the right way, she’ll give you her number when you ask. You can actually gauge how well you’re doing in the online dating game by the length of time it takes from a swipe to getting added to her contact list.
Stage three: Connect content
Now that you have her number you’re texting or maybe even calling. (Not many men make it to this last stage.) If your conversations go well, you’ll actually meet her for a date! But at this last critical stage, many guys won’t make it and won’t even understand what they did to get added to her blocked list. Examples of what could cause your ‘sudden death’?
One, sexual content
It’s amazing how guys think it’s acceptable or even cool to send sexually explicit messages and pictures just because the girl is on a dating app. There is a vast difference between flirty and dirty. And most Indian guys have no idea what that is. Dick pics? Just don’t do that please! Ever!
Nude chest in gym in front of the mirror? Cringe! Messages asking for and giving information on sexual preferences? Seriously? This early?
Here I’m referring to the guys who are perpetually texting, sending random messages, emojis and pics through the day without much reciprocation from her end. You’ll know if this is you by comparing the number of texts you’ve sent her to the number of texts she’s sent you.
Did you have lunch? What did you have for dinner? And the hot favourite,” what’s up ?” Or wassup or wsup? Are you doing this frequently? Even twice too often for this word. It arrogantly says,
“ entertain me” that you will make no effort but you expect her to tell you interesting things. No she won’t. She’d rather do that with guys who’re making the effort to have interesting conversation with her.
Four, the two out of three Cs
In the conversations you’ve had with her have there isn’t much connect or compatibility. ( chemistry hopefully happens when you meet) For many men, this may not be really important until later in the relationship but women look for these at the beginning of one. The the biggest reason for this is comfort. No woman is going to meet you if she’s not comfortable about you and how she feels during your conversations will determine her agreeing to meet you.
Five, it’s her
This last reason is nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. She could have found someone else she wanted to focus on, she might just be passing the time with you because she was bored, she could be someone who was just looking to text but not meet, she may even have out on a lot of weight since she took those profile pics and wants to lose it before meeting someone. It may be a reason that makes no sense to you but makes perfect sense to her. Here, accept the situation with grace and exit
( even if you never find out that reason).
On a final note:
So if you’ve passed all three stages and you’re going on a date, pat yourself on the back. If you haven’t made it, you now know which stage you need to work on and more importantly, you need no longer grumble “don’t swipe if you won’t reply” or “ don’t swipe if you don’t want to meet”, because you now know what happens between you putting up your DP and going on an actual date.